You don't know the people who come in but you have to try to figure them out, in like, 30 seconds. You have from the time they walk in the door until you've led them to the back to figure out 1. Do they know anything about themselves, 2. Is what they know a delusion and if it is, is it worth trying to help them?, 3. Whether or not you have what they need, 4. Whether they want what they need or something else, 5. Whether or not you have what they need, 6. If they will take it. You do this all day long, repeatedly, conditioning yourself to try to read peoples' faces and personality projections. Then you leave, and you get in your car, and you forget about the saggy grey-haired lady who purchased six string thongs. You listen to your voice messages and try to "read" them like you've been reading the customers all day. You take every little pause and vocal inflection and come up with a composite sketch of the other person's needs. "Does she not want to come but thinks she has to since we talk about it the other day and so that's why she called?" "Did he just wake up and that's why he sounds confused or can he just not see any reason why we should hang out today?" I already did that anyway though. Maybe that's why I'm so good at this job? And so bad at everyday life. Real people can't be analyzed accurately much further than what kind of bra they need, or what kind of jeans they might buy, or what kind of pizza they might like to try. You can't expect the signals you get to be factual interpretations of what someone is thinking.
I wish we could be friends. I wish none of that stuff with her had ever happened at all, except then I might not even know that I wish we could be friends. I wish that someone who knew what he thinks could ask me how I feel about it. His friends don't talk to me. My friends don't talk to him.
He wants to, though. Knowing that is enough for now.